So..surfing around today at work, I come across this article. Which seems to be a police blotter kinda thing for Lincoln Nebraska.. now, of particular enjoyment to me, was this blurb:

A 38-year-old Lincoln man showed up at BryanLGH Medical Center West on Monday, claiming he had been assaulted last week, police said Tuesday.

The man told hospital staff he was in the area of 28th and P streets Thursday when someone punched him in the head from behind and kicked him when he fell.

He said he temporarily lost consciousness and came to, only to find his pants down to his ankles.

An X-ray at the hospital Monday revealed a 20-ounce soft drink bottle lodged in the man’s lower intestine. He was to have it removed Tuesday.

Now.. don’t you think, that if you were assaulted, and had a plastic pop bottle shoved up your ass, that you might have noticed that something felt… different almost immediately.. I really can’t imagine it taking a week for someone to notice that they were having problems sitting, their ass was sore, and that they felt… full…